Nightmare Allegory
by rayemars
Summary: A brief trip through Ryou's mind, regarding his friends. Beware of symbolism.
1. Dreams

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

Like Comparisons and Two Minutes of a Life, this is a candy fic.  As in, I was on a sugar high when I wrote it...so, it follows the trend of the other two: blood, death, and stylistic oddness.

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Pain.

It was the first thing he was aware of.  So much pain, it made Ryou wonder how it was still possible to be alive.  And it was all focused on his back.

He lifted his head from the ground he was lying on and looked at his surroundings.  The scenery kept shifting, and it took him a while to realize it wasn't his eyes that were wavering, but the place itself.  

Everything was shades of gray, making impossible to see any sort of depth.  Ryou started to push himself up, then cried out at the pain in his shoulders.  He slipped back to the ground and faintly noticed it was just as gray and malleable as the air.

There was a touch on his hands, and then he was being lifted up and set on his feet.  Ryou glanced down at the King who was steadying him, and pain flared along his back as he bent his head.  "What's wrong with me?" Ryou asked.

"Something has been taken from you," answered the King.  "You must find it."

"Do you know what it is?" Ryou asked.

"Yes," answered the King.

"What was taken from me?" Ryou asked.

"I cannot tell you," answered the King.  "You must learn for yourself first."

"Oh," Ryou whispered.  "Can you tell me how to find out?"

The King took a step to the side and pointed forward.  "Go that way.  It will take you to the end."

"What's at the end?" Ryou asked.  He winced as his back tore more when he looked.

"You already know," answered the King.  Then he strode away.

Ryou began walking.

His bare feet padded silently on the soft ground and the grayness surrounded him, shifting in the space around his path.  He couldn't tell how much time had passed before he saw someone else.

There was a young man in a trench coat standing with his hands in his pockets, who was not on the path.  Ryou veered off to the right and walked up to him.  "Can you help me?" Ryou asked.

"It depends," answered the young man in a trench coat.  "What do you need?"

"I'm trying to find something that was taken from me," Ryou said.  "And my back hurts."

The young man in a trench coat circled behind him.  "I see," said he.

"What is it?" Ryou asked.

"I can't tell you," answered the young man in a trench coat.  "It's too horrible."

"Okay," Ryou said quietly.  "Can you fix it?"

The young man in a trench coat took his hands out of his pockets and handed Ryou a robe.  "I can give you this.  Then you won't be naked anymore."

"What is it?" Ryou asked.

"False comfort," answered the young man in a trench coat.  "So it will only hurt later."

Ryou took the robe, but when he tried to lift his arms the pain in his back staggered him.  "Will you help me put it on?" Ryou asked.

"I can't, I'm not good enough," answered the young man in a trench coat as he moved behind him again.  "Keep walking that way."

"What's that way?" Ryou asked, peering.

"The end," answered the young man in a trench coat.  Then he faded away.

Ryou rejoined the path and continued walking.  He carried the robe in his hand, and it seemed almost too bright in a land composed solidly from shades of gray.  He had been walking a long time when he saw someone standing on the path.

Ryou came to the boy, who turned and smiled up at him.  "Will you help me?" Ryou asked.

"I'll try," answered the boy.

"I need to put this on," Ryou said, holding out the robe.

"Okay!" grinned the boy.  He took the robe from Ryou's hands and shook it out.  "Bend down so I can get it over your head."

Ryou bent slightly, trying to ignore the never-ending pain in his back.  The boy slipped the robe over his head, then smoothed out the wrinkles as Ryou stood up.  "Anything else?" asked the boy.

"My back hurts," Ryou said.

The boy peeked around his side.  "Ohh," said he sadly, "it's all stained."

"What happened?" Ryou asked.

"I can't say," answered the boy.  "I don't know about those things."

"All right," Ryou said.  "Can you clean it?"

"The world won't let me," answered the boy.  "You should keep walking."

"For how long?" Ryou asked.

"Until you reach the end," answered the boy.  Then he scampered away.

Ryou continued walking, and the cloth of the robe brushed against his shoulders.  It no longer hurt, but each step left him with an emptiness inside and a sense of dread.  After a shorter stretch of time, he saw a gleam in the grayness to his right.

Ryou veered off the path again and followed the gleam.  He found a girl inside a sphere, dancing.

He knocked on the glass.  "Do you know how to fix my robe?" Ryou asked.

Never stopping her dance, the girl inside a sphere shook her head.

"Do you know why it's stained?" Ryou asked, sighing.

A nod came from the girl inside a sphere.  She touched the glass to show that she couldn't answer him.

"Very well," Ryou said louder, to be heard.  The girl inside a sphere pointed behind him.

"Where does that lead?" Ryou asked.

The movements of the girl inside a sphere came to an end, and she waved once.  Then she danced away.

Ryou returned to the path and continued walking among the grayness.  His footsteps grew slower and slower as the robe brushed his shoulders hypnotically, so that it was a very long time before he noticed a movement to the left of the path.

He veered over to see a yellow puppy tugging at a bloodied wing.  Ryou bent down carefully and picked up the wing, drawing a whimper from the puppy.

"Why do you want this?" Ryou asked

Yipping at him, the puppy latched onto the hem of his robe.  It began pulling Ryou in the opposite direction of his path.

"But I can't go that way," Ryou told the puppy.  "Everyone says I have to walk to the end."

The puppy let go of his hem and barked at him, with a single feather still stuck between its teeth.  Then it ran away.

Ryou stood there and watched it go, and took a single step to follow.  But the grayness offered neither comfort nor answers, and he couldn't see the puppy anymore anyway.  So he turned around, rejoined the path and reluctantly continued walking.  He dragged the wing along beside him, and his left shoulder began to hurt again despite the robe.  Because he was walking so slowly, it was the longest time before he saw a light further down the path.

When he reached the light, he found a mirror blocking his way.  "How do I keep going?" Ryou asked.

"You can't," answered his reflection, stepping out of the mirror.  "This is the end."

The knowledge made him shiver.  "Why did the puppy want this?" Ryou asked, lifting up the wing.  Both of his shoulders pained him again.

"He tried to keep it from me," answered his reflection, holding out a hand.  Ryou hesitated.

"Why is my robe stained?" Ryou asked.

"Because you got blood on it," answered his reflection, stretching his hand out further.

"How did that happen?" Ryou asked as he gave over the wing.

"There was blood on your back," answered his reflection.  He set the wings on the ground.

"What does my back hurt?" Ryou asked.

"Something was taken from it," answered his reflection, pulling off Ryou's robe.

"What was taken from me?" Ryou asked.

"Those," answered his reflection, pointing at the bloodied wings upon the gray ground.  "I ripped them off of you."

Ryou clutched his arms as his reflection walked around him to stand at his back.  "Why?" asked Ryou in a quiet, shaking voice.

"Because I love you," his reflection answered darkly.  He placed his hands on the bloody, raw patches of Ryou's shoulders and pushed.

Ryou stumbled over the wings at his feet and fell into the mirror.  The silver streamed into his nose and mouth and cut off all his air.  Ryou tried to scream, but he smothered in the mirror instead.

~~~~~~

Inside the hospital waiting room, four teenagers were huddled in a corner.  Tristan was in an old, slightly tattered chair staring at the doors, watching for Bakura's father.  Yugi was sitting on one end of a sofa across from him, with a spaced out look that told the others he was talking to Yami.  Tea was sitting on the other end, fidgeting every few seconds and staring in the opposite direction at the nurse's booth next to the Emergency Room doors.  Joey was hunched over in another chair with his arm in a cast, glaring down at the floor.

A nurse walked out of the ER door, causing Tea to straighten.  The woman glanced around the half-full room, and her gaze settled on the four in the corner.  She began to walk over.

"He's here," Tristan said, causing Yugi to blink and glance at the entrance where the elder Bakura was rushing in.  Joey and Tea were focused on the nurse.

"Are you the group that brought in Ryou Bakura?" she asked.  Joey nodded.

"Yes," Tea said quickly.  "Is he okay?"

The nurse glanced down at her clipboard.  "Are any of you family?"

"I'm Ryou's father," the man said as he strode up to the group.  Tristan stood up reflexively to offer his seat.  "How is my son?"

"I'm afraid I have bad news, sir.  You might want to sit down."


	2. And Reckonings

Disclaimer: Yu-Gi-Oh! belongs to Kazuki Takahashi.

**Warning: This chapter contains swearing, unrequited shounen-ai, and rape in the style of Greek drama--it all happens off-stage.  Also, Yami Bakura is somewhat stereotypically evil...but every story needs a villain.  If I ever get in a really horrible mood, I may write that scene from his or Ryou's POV, so I can flesh out his actions.**

I didn't realized how utterly I failed at clarity until I explained to one person what all the dialog and symbolism meant, only to have her tell me it was almost the opposite of what she had pictured.  This was meant to be a one-shot, but I wrote this chapter to explain the back story in my head, and I apologize for confusing the heck out of you.

Nalan Li: I **will write a story where Ryou is happy for once, promise.  I'll even write a Joey/Ryou one where he doesn't die...that should be new.**

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"For death is in the end a personal and private matter...."   -- Maya Lin

Joey sat on a hard bench in the hospital corridor with Yugi next to him.  Tristan was across from them, staring down at the floor with his hands clasped loosely between his legs.  He had already been inside the room.  Mr. Bakura had left to deal with insurance cards and medical lists and all those other grown-up things that hospital trips implied.

The nurse had told them that Ryou's situation was stabilized, but unresponsive.  After rattling off more medical jargon he didn't understand, Joey finally asked when they could see him.

That had set the nurse off.  It had taken consent from Ryou's father and another hour of listening to doctors before they were told that they could see Ryou for ten minutes each.  It had taken another thirty minutes and Mr. Bakura's explicit permission for Joey to be allowed in.

The door opened and Tea walked out.  She was wringing her hands and looked close to tears.  Tristan stood up and placed a hand on her arm, and Tea waved it off.  "I'm okay, I'm okay," she said, swiping at her eyes.

Tristan glanced at his watch, then at Joey and Yugi.  "I've gotta get home, guys," he said.  "I'll...see you at school?"

"Yeah," Joey answered.  Yugi nodded. Tristan gave then a short nod, then took Tea's elbow and guided her out.  She was crying silently now.

Joey and Yugi glanced at each other.  "So...d'you wanna go next?" Joey asked.

"I..." Yugi shook his head.  "No.  You go first."

"Okay," Joey said.  He stood up and brushed off his jeans, then walked into the room, well aware that a nurse was watching him.

Ryou was so pale he almost matched the sheets of the hospital bed.  Joey hesitated for a second, then sat down in the chair that was pulled up to the bed.  "Hey, Bakura?" he said.  There was no response.  "Bakura?"  

The other teen's eyes opened slowly, and he focused on Joey.

"Hey," Joey said.  "You okay?"  Then he winced at how stupid the words were.

Ryou just shook his head and didn't say anything.

"Yeah," Joey said lamely.  He resisted the urge to scratch his head.  "Listen, Bakura...I'm sorry.  I couldn't stop him."

"You did everything you could, Joey," Ryou told him.  "It's okay."

"No, man, it's **not!" Joey said vehemently.  He waved a hand at the bed.  "****This isn't okay!"**

Ryou shook his head again.  "No.  It's not."  He lapsed into silence.  Joey tried to think of something to say, that wouldn't bring up bad memories or involve more worthless apologies.

"Are you all right?" Ryou asked, gesturing faintly at Joey's arm.

"Huh?  Yeah," the blond said.  "The doctors just stuck this ugly blue cast on me and then Tristan and I spent a couple hours with the police."

Ryou nodded.  "They spoke to me too," he murmured, before slipping back into silence.  Joey fidgeted awkwardly.

Ryou glanced past him at the door.  "Is Yugi out there?"

"Yeah," Joey said.

"Can I talk to him?" Ryou asked.

"Yeah," answered Joey.  He stood up.  "I'll get him."

He walked back into the hallway where Yugi was sitting alone.  Ryou's father wasn't back yet.  "He wants ta see you, Yug'."

Yugi nodded and walked past him through the door.  Joey sat down on the bench and winced as feeling began to make itself known in his arm again, in the form of pain.

He couldn't figure out how much of this was his fault.  He'd obviously failed to help Ryou; there was no question about that.  But he wasn't sure how much of the attack stemmed directly from his actions.

Ryou had offered to explain the last chapter in their Algebra textbook, so he'd gone with the teen to his house after school.  An hour later the numbers and lines were finally recognizable, and so he'd said goodbye.  He'd walked about five minutes before he realized he left his calculator behind.

In hindsight, in the hospital corridor, Joey wished he'd just left the damn thing there.  Ryou would have brought it to school tomorrow--he was that kind of person.  But no, he had turned around instead.

When he reached Ryou's house, he'd been surprised to find the door unlocked--until he heard yelling further inside and burst in.  Joey ran across the living room into the kitchen just in time to see Ryou's other hit him in the shoulder, making the teen stumble back into the table.

His next move had pretty much been instinct.  He'd thrown his backpack straight at the spirit's head, knocking it to the ground.

Ryou had stared at him with a horrified look.  "Joey, get out!"

The spirit threw the bag back, knocking him off balance.  Then it was standing in front of him.  It reached out, caught his arm, and snapped the bone.

For a second, Joey just stood there blinking at the cracking noise he'd heard.  Then there was the sound of glass breaking and something cut his face.  He realized Ryou had broken the coffeepot over the spirit's head about the same time the shock started to wear off.

The spirit let go of his arm and grabbed Ryou by the collar, while Joey sank to the floor as the pain kicked in.  'Burning' wasn't an appropriate term--fire wouldn't have hurt this much.  In the living room, a wooden crash almost covered up the other teenager's sharp cry.

But he wasn't really drawn out of the pain in his arm until he heard the first smothered scream from Ryou.  Joey tried to force himself up, only to hit his arm on the linoleum in the process.  He curled back on the floor with a whimper as white pain ran up his arm.

It took too long to make himself sit up.  Ryou's screams had grown more ragged, and they were turning into sobs.  Joey used a chair to pull himself onto his knees, but then he sank onto it and sent it scraping against the floor--his arm had fallen to his side and the motion made the fractured ends grind together, immobilizing him again.

This time he was drawn out of the pain when he realized the noise had stopped.  Joey braced himself on the chair and stood up.  He turned around to face the entrance to the living room.

The spirit stood there, smirking at him.  Its clothes were wrinkled and as Joey watched, it raised a hand and licked blood off.

"Bastard!" Joey snarled, launching himself at it.  The spirit caught him by his arm, and this time broke it higher up near the elbow.  Joey blacked out.

He came back to consciousness with someone yelling his name.  "Joey!!"

"Wha?" he muttered.  His arm hurt too much to move.

"It's me," said a familiar voice.  "Are you okay?"

"My arm's busted," Joey answered.  "Tristan?  How...."

"You were supposed to meet me an hour ago at the arcade," Tristan explained.  "I figured you'er still here when you didn't show."

Joey tried to get up.  "Bakura!  He's--"

Tristan flinched.  "Yeah.  I called the ambulance.  They'll be here soon."  He glanced at the living room.  "I can't tell if he's unconscious or what...I put my coat over him, but I...don't remember how not to mess up evidence...."  He trailed and stared at Joey.  "What the hell happened, man?"

"The spirit," Joey spat out as Tristan helped him sit up.  "It...."  He swallowed.  The faint sound of sirens stirred the air, and Tristan went outside to direct them to the house.

For a second, Joey just stared at the living room.  The late afternoon sunshine leaked in through the blinds, so there was a mild brightness to the place.  A journal and textbook were lying on the floor next to a backpack.  Except for the growing sirens, it was quiet.  If he ignored the overturned coffee table and the boy lying still under a trench coat, it would be peaceful.

The paramedics burst in a moment later with Tristan trailing behind them.  They flocked to Ryou first.  When he didn't respond to anything, they put him on a stretcher and took him out.  Then one of them came to look at Joey's arm and helped him onto the ambulance.

At the hospital, Ryou had been shipped off to another section.  The nice doctors gave Joey a hideous blue cast, several painkillers, and told him to talk to the police who'd followed the ambulance.  Tristan had already given them his statement and left to call Ryou's father, Yugi, and Tea.

Joey had to keep from fidgeting as he talked to the officer.  Despite the cast on his arm, the fact that he had been there the whole time made him a potential suspect.  It didn't help that his description was vague: light-haired, a little older than their age.  He didn't know how the attacker'd gotten in.  The guy had been there when he entered.  He'd forgotten his calculator, that's why he was there in the first place.  No, he hadn't recognized the guy from anywhere.

Joey figured the police wouldn't want to hear it was the 5000-year-old evil spirit that lived in Ryou's necklace who did it.  That might land him in jail for contempt, or whatever it was the police could arrest you for when you smarted off.  When they finally dismissed him, Joey went to the ER waiting room where he found Yugi and Tea with Tristan.

And now it was night and he was sitting in the hallway, wondering how much was his fault.  If he hadn't shown up, the spirit might have just smacked Ryou upside the head and left it at that.  The teenager was in no condition to say either way.

Joey glanced at his watch.  Yugi had been in there way longer than ten minutes.  He glanced up and down the hallway, making sure that no nurses or orderlies were coming to kick them out for breaking the rules.  He noticed Ryou's father talking with a doctor at the nurses' station at the end of the hallway.

The door opened and Yugi walked out.  His face was almost as pale as Ryou's had been.

Joey straightened.  "What's wrong?"

Yugi sat down next to him.  "Um, we talked," he said quietly.

"I figured," Joey answered.  Yugi lifted his hands and started twisting the chain of the Puzzle.

"He said that he told his father to give me the Ring, so my other can continue searching for his memories.  And he said that he really liked me."  Joey tensed at that, but Yugi was staring at the ground and didn't notice.  "And he said to tell you 'Thank you' again, for trying to protect him.  And that he's gonna die."

Joey jerked.  "What?!  The doctors said he was okay!  'Stabilized,' or whatever the word was!"  He blinked.  "Shit, he isn't going to try killing himself, is he?"  He started to stand.

Yugi shook his head.  "No, it's not that," he said quietly, looking up at Joey.  "He said he doesn't want to live.  That's all."

Joey sat down slowly, staring at him.  "Whadda ya mean, 'that's all,' Yug'?  We have to help him!  We...you need to talk to him or something."

Yugi shrugged helplessly.  "I tried, Joey.  But he just...won't listen.  I don't...."  He shrugged again and went back to twisting the chain.

Joey stood up and started to open the door again.

"Young man, I'm afraid your time is up," said a voice.

Joey looked up at the nurse who was standing next to Mr. Bakura.  "I know ma'am, but I really need to talk to him."

"You'll have to wait until visiting hours tomorrow," the nurse said firmly.  Joey was about to argue when Ryou's father spoke up.

"It's too late, anyway," the man said.  "Ryou needs to rest.  And you two need to go home."  His shoulders were bent slightly, and he looked older than the man who had walked into the waiting room.  Joey figured he was blaming himself for this too.  "I'll give you a ride back."

Yugi stood up.  "Thank you, sir."

"Yeah," Joey echoed.  He let go of the door handle.

~~~~~

School was stilted and awkward, with none of them knowing what to say when the teacher called Ryou's name on the role.  Joey skipped out before the last teacher came in so he would make the hospital visiting hours on time.

He still had only ten minutes, and the nurse gave him a narrow look.  "Shouldn't you still be in school?"

"I just ran here really fast," he evaded.

Inside the room, Ryou was still as pale as before.  There was an IV in his arm.  "Hey, Bakura," he said.  Ryou opened his eyes and gave him a lethargic look.

"Um, at lunch, Yugi told us that his other took care of your Ring," he said.

Ryou's face didn't change, but his voice was curious.  "How?"

Joey scratched the back of his head.  "He doesn't really know.  The spirit jus' asked Yugi ta close the door, whatever that means, and then awhile later it said that everything was taken care of."  Joey paused.  "He said that when he took over again though, he was all showered and stuff."

Ryou nodded and closed his eyes.  "Is he here?"

"Ah, no," Joey said.  "He's still a' school."

Ryou gave him a quizzical look.  "But you...."

Joey shrugged.  "I split early, is all.  I can't take notes anyway--the drugs make me kinda loopy," he said with a half-grin.

"I'm sorry," Ryou said quietly.

The grin slipped away and Joey shook his head.  "S'okay.  Tea promised to photocopy all a hers fer me until I'm better."

Ryou nodded.  "That's nice."

"Yeah," Joey agreed.  He shifted.  "I just...thought you'd wanna know about the Ring and everything."

"Thanks," Ryou said, almost smiling.  "That makes me feel safer."

Joey nodded awkwardly.  "Is there anything you need?" he asked finally.

Ryou shook his head at the same time there was a knock on the door.  The nurse looked in.  "I'm afraid your time's up," she said firmly.  Joey was beginning to associate nurses with firm.  

He stood up, slinging his backpack over his shoulder.  "I'll see ya tomorrow," he said to Ryou.  The other teen closed his eyes again.  He might have nodded.

As he was walking past the station, he asked the nurse, "Why's he have an IV?"

"He won't eat," she told him.

~~~~~

Joey skipped class the next day too.  This time the nurse didn't bother to question him.  "Ten minutes," she reminded.

Joey shifted the backpack on his shoulders as he walked down the hall.  How was he supposed to convince somebody to live in ten minutes?  After what Ryou went through, he wouldn't be surprised if it took ten months.  Maybe ten years.

"Hey, Bakura," he said.  It took longer for Ryou to open his eyes this time.  "Yugi told me."

Some of the apathy left the teen's gaze at that.  "I guess I shouldn't have said it," he replied quietly.  "But I wanted him to know."

Joey shook his head.  "But it's over!  He's dead, he can't hurt you anymore," he argued, leaning forward.  "Don't ya want to live now?"

"Why?" Ryou asked honestly.

Joey hesitated.  "Lots of stuff.  Like..." he trailed off as he tried to think.  "I don't know."  In a whisper, he finished, "Me."

Ryou's eyes widened slightly.  He tilted his head on the pillow so he could see Joey better.  "I'm sorry," he said softly.  "I didn't know."

"It doesn't matter," Joey said.  "I don't care.  But it's something, right?"  He took a hold of Ryou's hand, making sure not to jostle the IV tube.  "Can that be why?"

Ryou sighed.  Then he spoke hesitatingly.  "I'm...very tired of having to live for other people, Joey."  He gave the blond a sad look.  "Please don't ask me to do it again."

Ryou's hand felt cool and almost lifeless in his own.  "Then what?" Joey asked, frustrated and emotional.

"I don't know," answered Ryou.  "I can't think of anything either."  He gave Joey the hint of a self-deprecating smile.  "I know it's weak.  I guess he was right."

_He was!  He was if you're just going to quit like this, Ryou!  Why did you have to get broken so far and why can't I help you?! Joey wanted to scream.  But he managed to bite down the words before they could come out.  It wouldn't do any good to yell at him.  Ryou was conditioned to that._

He just held the other teenager's hand as he drifted off to sleep again.  The knock on the door was softer this time.

"Why don't ya lower his medication so he doesn't sleep so much?" he told the nurse as he was leaving.  "That might help."

"He isn't on any that produces drowsiness as a side effect," she answered.

~~~~~

By the third day, he had detention for skipping and news had gotten around school.  Joey left at the second to last class to avoid all the questions he being asked.

When he arrived at the hospital, the nurse was talking to Ryou's father.  As he watched, the man covered his eyes and faltered slightly, bracing a hand on the station.

Joey dropped his backpack and crouched against the wall, waiting for Mr. Bakura to sign the papers the nurse gave him and leave.  He shut his eyes and ground the heel of his hand into them so the tears wouldn't come out.

Standard hospital footsteps echoed up and down the corridor as he waited.  Ryou's father passed by without recognizing him, choking back a sob.  A few minutes later, a pair of feet stopped in front of him.  Joey looked up.

The nurse gave him a sad look.  "I'm sorry..." she began.

"Yeah," he said.  "I knew it would happen."  He slumped down so he was sitting on the floor.  "But I had to try, y'know?"


End file.
